A.E.S.

I don't know what it is I'm going through.

I hate audio.
Okay, I'm immediately recanting.
I'm just discouraged.
And indifferent.
"Who CARES!"
...Does any of it matter?
no.
BUT then I love it so much.
I love it.
I get excited when seeing those Mics and boards and lights.
and great great music is a drug.
And I just want to forget all of it sometimes.
But What I really want to forget is...
Pudgy aging Engineers in ponytails.
Control rooms as dusty and uninspiring as old school insurance offices.
the permanent coffee rings. The Smell.
The Know-it-alls.
The broken equipment that never gets repaired.
funky crackling cords and chasing down problems.
And bad sounding  difficult sessions with difficult people.
and all those horrible horrible egos I've encountered through life.
(my own ego not withstanding)
but mostly the old ponytail thing.
I really hate that shit.
That's what symbolises all that I loathe.
A tell tale sign.
Most are thankfully chopped off today though.
I hate that A.E.S. gets worse every year.
SO boring and pointless.
 running into faces I'd sooner be running from.
Hate it.
...
But I love the Mics.
They are so beautiful.
Mics with lunchbox power supplies.
And I love outboard gear.
Eqs and compressors and Pres and all these little boxes promising fractions of magic and spice.
and I love the software.
innovative miracle software that performs alchemy on lead thoughts.
Love all that shit.
A lot.
 and I love finding out the answers to all that eluded me.
all that I hadn't understood or appreciated.
Even if its bittersweet. At least I know.... see the whole thing.
Understand.
...
So I'm going.
 again.
and Because Its difficult not to go.
Difficult.